Monday, July 11, 2011

He will always be...

My son.
I never knew I could love something
so much so quickly in just 4 months.
My heart was full, my belly was pooched.
I was already a mom.
I nurtured him and protected him so carefully.
My body was not my own anymore, and I embraced that.
I felt he was safe in my womb.
And I felt safe from the horrid first few months hoping and praying
that this child is the child God has called  me to carry full term.

But i was wrong.

He fit in the palm of my husband's hand.
So tiny and frail, yet a fighter so strong.
Helpless I felt knowing he would soon leave me.
But trusting this was his plan all along.
Pain has consumed me like I've never felt before.
Guilt lies dormant in the pit of my stomach for not being able to do anything.
Tears continue to fall even when I think I might be strong enough to get up and go on.
Im my eyes, God took him way too early from me.
But I know in His, it was just in time for him.
And even though emptiness lingers inside me
its grace that covers me.
This will always be apart of me
and probably always bring me to tears.
Im okay with that, He was more than worth it.
He will always be my son.


  1. I'm so sorry to hear this :( I'll be thinking about you and your hubby!

  2. I'm so very sorry for you both! I lost my first at 8 weeks I know the longer you're pregnant the harder it is to loose them! Even after having a successful pregnancy I will always feel the hurt of losing the first :( I will be praying for you!

  3. My heart hurts for you Ashley. Praying for you!

  4. I stumbled upon your blog from Keep it simple, keep it fresh, where you left a comment.

    This post brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry for you and your husband. I am praying that God wraps his arms around you and comforts you in this horrible time.