He will always be...

My son.
I never knew I could love something
so much so quickly in just 4 months.
My heart was full, my belly was pooched.
I was already a mom.
I nurtured him and protected him so carefully.
My body was not my own anymore, and I embraced that.
I felt he was safe in my womb.
And I felt safe from the horrid first few months hoping and praying
that this child is the child God has called  me to carry full term.

But i was wrong.

He fit in the palm of my husband's hand.
So tiny and frail, yet a fighter so strong.
Helpless I felt knowing he would soon leave me.
But trusting this was his plan all along.
Pain has consumed me like I've never felt before.
Guilt lies dormant in the pit of my stomach for not being able to do anything.
Tears continue to fall even when I think I might be strong enough to get up and go on.
Im my eyes, God took him way too early from me.
But I know in His, it was just in time for him.
And even though emptiness lingers inside me
its grace that covers me.
This will always be apart of me
and probably always bring me to tears.
Im okay with that, He was more than worth it.
He will always be my son.