"B" is for...

BOY!



First Trimester Down!

13 week pic of me

14 week pic of baby

I am feeling blessed and so very hopeful!

The doctors are checking me every 2 weeks

to make sure everything is okay this time around.

That is nice especially to be able to see the baby develop,

but I do not need the doctors to assure me....

My hope is in the Lord.

My mind is consumed by His grace.

And I believe in His faithfulness.

In a couple of weeks we will find out the gender.

And my feelings are mixed.

I want another son.

I dont know when and it doesnt  have to be now

but I know God will fill that void...someday.

I would love to have a girl.

A new beginning.

Pink never really crossed my mind until recently

And it would be nice.

Whatever it may be, God knew all along.

He knew that this would be our perfect child.

 The child He has called us to love.

And I will certainly do plenty of that.

                                                   Ashley



A Momma's Love

Growing up with my amazing mom
I saw love at a deeper level
A love that is irreplaceable and unchanging
Love through acts of kindness and words
Love through hugs and a shopping splurge
There is something about a momma’s love
That only she can give and I still crave

Now having experienced being a mom

I have felt love at a deeper level
Even though it was while I carried our child,
It was still irreplaceable
And unchanging
And there was something about that love
Something that I still crave

I’m now a mom again

And this love is even deeper
This love is stronger  
It protects
And It patiently awaits
What a glorious day it will be
When I look into my child’s eyes
And love…

Momma,

I understand the love you have for me now
And I love you even more having experienced
just a glimpse of what it’s like to love a child
Thank you for setting such a godly example
of what love is supposed to look like.

4 letters...

We recieved the exciting news over the Christmas holidays.

What a sweet way to end a year of such pain and sorrow.

We know this will be a struggle to keep our mind focused

on God's promises and protection when fear creeps in,

but we are hopeful and believe in a BIG God.

"I prayed for this child
and the Lord has granted me
what I asked of him."
1 Samuel 1:27

Its a New Year

I pray to be like this....

Source: tumblr.com via Paula on Pinterest

Grace

 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,

so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses,

in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.

For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-11

Today

Today, December 6th, I was supposed to deliver our baby boy.
I was supposed to have a Christmas baby and
send out Christmas cards announcing our new little bundle of joy.
Instead, God has taken me on a whirl wind of emotions and
a journey He knew would ultimately bring me closer to Him.
Our boy is in Heaven with Jesus.....And oh how jealous I am....Of both of them.

But today I have dreaded since the day I lost him. 
I have mourned and fought with my thoughts then covered them up
and mourned some more. Its been a battle. 
A battle to believe what I have prayed and spoke of all my life about Jesus.
And as much as I fought the pain, I knew God was at work in me.
I created patches in my life to cover the hurt i knew this day would bring.
Even thinking another baby in my belly would help ease the pain.
But God has removed those patches, patch by patch and stripped me down
to completely surrender to Him.
To surrender my fears, worries, and desires of being a mom.
I have always wanted to be a mom. Anyone who knows me, knows I have always wanted to be a mom. I think I would be a good mom.
However, It is through the pain of that being taken away where I have realized my need for Jesus.
I need Him.
And I have learned that needing Him is the key to knowing Him.
He knows my desire to be a mom. And I know that one day I will be again.
I have learned to thank Him for this.
I have seen him strengthen me and grow my character.
He has shown me peace in the most desolate places.
And I believe that through the difficult times, He accomplishes His best work.

Really, today was never a part of God's plan for our boy.
His plan was for him to spend eternity in Heaven from that day on.....
And I should celebrate that day!
Theres not a doubt in my mind that God used this child to stir my heart.
I am blessed for this experience and through it I am forever changed.

Isaih 58:11 "The Lord will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail."

what i learned while editing my life

I have always said, this is God's story for me, for us. I know not all of it will be butterflies and rainbows. In fact, I'm sure of it. But then I'm not really sure what God means with the hard things. I imagine it's to grow and trust in Him more or maybe to help someone else do that.

I am reading a book right now by Donald Miller. He explains this particular part that when I first read, I paused and thought to myself, "I think that's how I would feel...."
               
      "Life has a peculiar feel when you look back on it that it doesn't have when your'e actually living it.  ......When my friends Paul and Danielle had their second child, I went to the hospital and held her in my arms.  She was tiny and warm like a hairless cat, and she was dependent.  When I looked over at her mother, Danielle's eyes told me life was about more than sunsets and romance.  It was though having a baby made all the fairy tales in life come true for her, as though she were a painter who discovered a color all new to the world.
I can imagine what kind of conversation God and Danielle will have, how she'll sit and tell God the favorite parts of the story he gave her.  You get a feeling when you look back on life that that's all God really wants from us, to live inside a body he made and enjoy the story and bond with us through the experience."

There will still be days

When the time Ive spent keeping busy slows down
And i catch my breath

Days that are harder than others
Where i cant keep a dry face

There will still be days
I long so badly for what i lost

And then days where I cling to Jesus
and find rest

Where I become hopeful again
And somehow I am filled will joy

I keep moving
But I know there will still be days...

Therapy

                                    Therapy is....

                                                     Sisters

                                    Laying on the bed talking

                                             Wine sipping

                                     Laughing uncontrollably

                                    Shopping till your feet hurt

                                                 Connected

                              Miss you xoxox

At Peace

Looking out this morning

I realize

Im at peace

I see God through all this

And Im okay

"The Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace." Number 6:26

making new memories

Boathouse - Isle of Palm

Hello 30's

Today I am taking a leap.

A leap into my thrities.

With no reservation,
I am ready to embrace
what God has for me in this
next decade.

I am stronger.

Wiser.

Humbled.

In love.

Content.

Ready.

So...hello 30's!

a little bit stronger

"The faithful love of the Lord never ends!

His mercies never cease.

Great is his faithfulness;
his mercies are new each morning.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
therefore, I will hope in him!” 
Lamintations 3:22-24

He will always be...

My son.
I never knew I could love something
so much so quickly in just 4 months.
My heart was full, my belly was pooched.
I was already a mom.
I nurtured him and protected him so carefully.
My body was not my own anymore, and I embraced that.
I felt he was safe in my womb.
And I felt safe from the horrid first few months hoping and praying
that this child is the child God has called  me to carry full term.

But i was wrong.

He fit in the palm of my husband's hand.
So tiny and frail, yet a fighter so strong.
Helpless I felt knowing he would soon leave me.
But trusting this was his plan all along.
Pain has consumed me like I've never felt before.
Guilt lies dormant in the pit of my stomach for not being able to do anything.
Tears continue to fall even when I think I might be strong enough to get up and go on.
Im my eyes, God took him way too early from me.
But I know in His, it was just in time for him.
And even though emptiness lingers inside me
its grace that covers me.
This will always be apart of me
and probably always bring me to tears.
Im okay with that, He was more than worth it.
He will always be my son.

A Prune..that's it!?

Baby's now the size of a prune!

This is the beginning of the so-called fetal period, a time when the tissues and organs in his body rapidly grow and mature.

He/She's swallowing fluid and kicking up a storm. Vital organs — including his kidneys, intestines, brain, and liver are in place and starting to function, though they'll continue to develop throughout my pregnancy.

Before I got pregnant, they say my uterus was the size of a small pear. By this week, it's as big as a grapefruit!

Since week 7, I have been nauseous all day long.  I am over the whole eating often thing! Mainly, because I dont want anything. Eating went from something I tried to be healthy with to eating strictly for the baby...and a chocolate milkshake every once in a while at 10:30am.

Bab(ies)

This long Easter weekend was filled with best friends, baby shower, babies, and family! I went down to Florida to throw my best friend her first baby shower for sweet little, Ella Gray. The hubs werent around so we got to hang like old times with shopping, pedicures, movies, and food! We got together with our childhood friend and her newborn Chase Jameson who is a handsome fellow. And caught a glimpse of the sun in the short time we could stand the heat.  But my favorite part of the time spent with Erin was being able to share my new news of 8 weeks....

We always wanted to be pregnant together and I made it in the nick of time! She is about to pop and I am about to puke! It was a laughable time thats for sure being able to share in eachothers pregancies. There were many breaks of eating, catching breath, sprite pit stops, and late night snacking.
...I will never forget that time with her.

Easter was spent with the Fam which consists of 6 little ones on the hunt for eggs! I made sure this trip I was able to have some Q.T. with each sibling, in-law, neice, nephew, and of course the rents! It was a busy weekend but I left filled with many sweet memories.

What do you do

When life hands you lemons?

Well you make lemonade, of course!

I dont know why things happen the way they do sometimes.

But I do know that the Lord says, "your ways are not my ways."

I trust that in whatever circumstances that me - you - or someone you know is in

His ways and His circumstances are always better.

There always for His glory.

And your best...

...eventually.

So drink up!

Music in the South

On our date night Friday
we stopped by the
Acoustic Cafe
to hear some original music of the South.....Blues.

Its hard coming from Austin,TX to find some decent music to listen to considering there is music on every block in every restuarant. But Smiley's Acoustic Cafe helped us feel right back in Austin.

The funny, random part of the evening was that a photographer was sitting near us with his camera out snapping photos of people. He asked if he could take a picture of Jason and I.
.....here are the results.